Relationships. Whether jumped into, sailed along in, or hobbled out of, they pervade our reminiscences of times past and present. I reflected recently upon the people who entered my life shortly after my mission. Referring specifically to roommates, I remember being misunderstood, feeling separate --isolated-- from those around me (excepting Abby Nowell Stewart who invited me to everything from dinner parties to Harry Potter night). In a broader scope, I remember meeting those who accepted me and loved me, pariah status and all :), during those tough times -- Emmy, Megan, V, Gretchen among others. Some I met (or met up with again) later, Ani, Lydia, and Michelle to list a few. In the stew also is the dating (and rumors of dating) that has colored the past five years.
From all this life experience, I've whittled out a simple creed: everyone and everything will be appreciated in its time.
Why do some relationships pass while other remain strong? Why do we accept certain people into our circle of friends, while excluding others? What are these invisible and seemingly impenetrable barriers of the heart? How do we learn to value others and ourselves? And once we've learned, how do we then not forget? How do we learn to savor the relationships we form? How do we make them meaningful?
Billy Joel shares his thoughts in the song "Matter of Trust."
From all this life experience, I've whittled out a simple creed: everyone and everything will be appreciated in its time.
Why do some relationships pass while other remain strong? Why do we accept certain people into our circle of friends, while excluding others? What are these invisible and seemingly impenetrable barriers of the heart? How do we learn to value others and ourselves? And once we've learned, how do we then not forget? How do we learn to savor the relationships we form? How do we make them meaningful?
Billy Joel shares his thoughts in the song "Matter of Trust."
As a side note, today marks the day exactly five years ago that I entered the MTC. Wednesday, January 14th, 2004. Crazy. Dan Tengelsen told me that his brother goes in today -- also Philippines bound. And so we see, life replays itself yet again.
13 comments:
I want to be the love-child of Billy Joel (pre-fame and misanthropic breakdown, of course) and that supermodel he married.
I loved it when you were in the MTC. It was so much fun to drop into your class room to say hi.
The kind of funny part about continuing to value relationships is how they end up becoming...
a Christmas card list.
Every year we think fondly of those people we love, so we send an update hoping for one in return. Phone calls dwindle off, emails too, maybe a visit to a blog. Lunch dates and catch up time tapers off with distance and busy lives. Old relationships, though treasured, become but shadows of the vitality they used to hold.
but is this really avoidable? I mean, consider all the great friends you've had in your life. High school, church, 4 years of college, mission, ward...
Then consider all the new ones you will make when you marry and move to another place, etc. Is it possible to spend meaningful TIME (which usually marks the value placed on a relationship) with EACH AND EVERY ONE of them? Outside of your immediate family relationships (hubby and kids), the modes of expressions for love and appreciation invariably change to memories and nostalgia throughout life. I struggle with this, as I feel sad that so many dear friendships seem so... distant? Others seem stale. So what do you think... is that OKAY, or is there a solution to keep all those relationships and all that love FRESH?
Yes! I've been feeling a lot of growing pains as I'm faced with moving away from roommates and later away from Provo. How will I keep the relationships I've formed here strong? Is that even necessary or expected -- or should I hold on to the memories and be satisfied to meander in and out of those golden recollections without the connection to the people that helped form them?
ps. one of my cousins-in-law just got engaged to a gal who served in the Philippines...she says you were the smilingest teacher there!
the MTC, that is.
Ah...relationships. That's all I have to say about this for now.
P.S. I <3 mo para siempre whether I see her regularly or not!
We will always have blogging.
Oh, and I will always be that crazy single woman yelling from the window.
Goodnight, Mrs. ?
I think people come into our lives to teach us something and once lessons are learned, sometimes we have to have to move on to learn from others and teach others what we have already been taught. Like on the mission, leaving behind investigators so that they can learn something else from the missionaries who will come next. I like to remember DandC 130:2 also "And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy." We take all of our relationships with us into the eternities.
Jen
I agree with Jen, but I also think that we choose to love those who come our way. Look at President Monson. He could have just said, "Hey, I've done all I can for these widows. Now they need to learn from someone else. Peace out." He wouldn't be the man he is if he had.
Our ability to make and keep good people in our lives defines us. We are defined, confined, and liberated by our friends. So choose good ones, and don't let go.
Service and honesty makes our relationships last, not fate or circumstance. It's the reason you and I have stuck it out all this time. It's one of the reasons Jen and I have as well. To love is to give, and to give is a choice.
We can't remain best friends with everyone all the time, but we don't have to forsake the old for the new. It might even be dangerous to do so as it inhibits our ability to form lasting and maliable relationships in the future, like marriage.
"Never give up an old tried friend, who has waded through all manner of toil, for your sake, and throw him away because fools may tell you he has some faults." -Joseph Smith
I'd take one old friend over ten new ones any day. But we also don't want to be like Lot's wife, so I don't know. Does that analogy make me Sodom or Gomorrah?
No it does not make you into Sodom and Gommorah. Looking back to old friends isn't really looking back at a sinful city that God has told you to run away from . . . it's more like looking back with appreciation on the people that Heavenly Father has put into your life. And keeping those relationships important to you always.
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