"Oh, you're folding down the top! I have to wear mine like this." The lady (who was trying oh-so-desperately to save me from adding a quarter-inch of visual thickness to my hips) gently smoothed her palms over the band of her black and white chevron maxi skirt. "Only skinny-minis can get away with it folded down." Her voice went up an octave when she said, "skinny minis."
I looked this sales-lady in the face. Her stiff expression (with a smile!) had caused small creases to form in her bronzing make-up. I wanted to say (but as usual didn't), "Thank you, but I don't share your insecurity about hip size."
Instead I obligingly unfolded the top of the maxi skirt I was trying on, looked at myself in the mirror, and nodded. "There ya go! Isn't that so much better?" she cheered, affirming her words with a gentle pressure on my forearm and moving on to another customer, trailing a scent of something beachy.
Fact is, despite her affirmations, the unfolded top didn't look better. It cut a visual line across my body exactly at my navel which (on me) isn't all that flattering. I folded the top back down.
This time, I also tucked in my shirt.
Let me repeat: I tucked in my shirt! Or in other words, I turned the second key - and unwittingly released an H-bomb!
Arms a-flutter, the sales lady scuttled back over to my mirror. In a higher octave again, "Oh honey. You look sooo cute in that skirt." She looked me up and down. "Why don't you try untucking the shirt?"
I pulled my shirt out.
"Hmmm . . . and try unfolding the band of the skirt again."
I complied.
"Oh yeah. That looks great! I have a couple kids, and now no matter what I do I can't get rid of this pooch," pinching some of her own stomach skin (and tee-shirt) between her thumb and pointer-finger, her eyes lingering momentarily on my belly area. (I'll be honest . . . I don't think my stomach's all that poochy, maybe I'm biased. This lady thought otherwise.)
I looked at her belly. "Like you even have a pooch." It wasn't even intended as a compliment -- I just called it as I saw it. The sales lady was big-boned, tall, and athletic-looking. I honestly don't think anyone could have used the word, "flabby" or "poochy" to describe her.
"Oh. You're sweet." She said "sweet" with a very nasally "ee" sound, bespeaking insincerity. Plastered-on smile returned, my honest appraisal dismissed. It made me sad.
She observed me tucking my shirt back in, "Really only sticks can get away with it! Only girls with perfect bodies! Who've never had kids -- or are Heidi Klum."
Huh. Only Heidi Klum can wear these maxi skirts with a shirt tucked in.
I pulled the skirt off (don't worry folks, my pants were on underneath) and walked away feeling tired, annoyed, and most of all sad for the sales lady. She's someone who could wear her shirt tucked in and she doesn't see it.
I came away from this experience with a new resolution: to tuck in my shirt whenever the heck I want, regardless of how people may view my body.
Let's be honest. We're all going to be mulling around our own neighborhoods where nobody is going to look like a Victoria Secret ad all the time - golden frontal light with slight breeze and impeccable make-up and styling. Those women are beautiful. But that kind of beauty is simply the construct of a moment. An illusion created by a team of experts till the one 1/200 of a second moment where the beauty is captured in its most alluring form. (All that work, all that talent, all that money for 1/200 of a second!)
The beauty I see all around me is so much greater than that! Especially in the women around me. So many of them are mothers who have made sacrifices of body and spirit to help bring life into the world, and keep that new life alive . . . and happy . . . and disciplined . . . and educated. I know women young and old who are truly kind, funny, and willing to help - make-up on or not.
It may be a lot to ask for widespread social change. But here's an invitation to whoever will take it up: let's stop comparing the ladies around us (as well as ourselves) to the 1%.
Who will stand with me?
5 comments:
Oh. My. Gosh. THANK YOU. I am slightly flabbergasted by this lady's comments. This is the kind of mindset that makes people want to give up on themselves. There are NO RULES to fashion. It has taken me a long time to figure this out. I will never be the size of a model but guess what? Clothes can still look awesome on me! Dozens of styles have opened up to me after realizing this. Including tucking in my shirt!
I know I already shared this on my blog but I have seriously fallen in love with girlwithcurves.com - not because she sticks with one type of "flattering" clothing style that makes her look "skinny" but because she wears WHATEVER SHE WANTS and looks amazing! Her confidence is rare, beautiful, and inspiring. I want that kind of confidence, no matter what stage of my life I'm in. I think all girls deserve that confidence. Especially girls in Utah who deal with horrific examples of self-worth like this sales lady!
Seriously ;)
I love this. I'm still getting used to my post pregnancy body. I keep telling myself, I came to this earth to gain a body and this is the one that I've got and my goodness...I'M GOING TO LOVE THE HECK OUT OF IT! I'm going to use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without! And I don't need anyone else to find me sexy (except, Aaron still does).
What a crazy experience you had! Thanks so much for sharing. I needed to read this today. It's nice to know that our bodies created life and are still beautiful. It's hard to remember all the time, though.
P.S. I love your blog! You have such great insights.
Love this. And I stand with you. We are SO much greater than that. There is beauty all around and in all shapes and sizes and when we get THAT picky I fear we become dismissive of the worth and beauty of a soul and ungrateful for the gift that is our bodies.
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