Confidence -- where does it come from?

For Maria von Trapp it came from sunshine, rain, and knowing spring would come again, but for many others (according to this videojug clip and this) confidence comes from having good oral hygiene and having "approachable" body language.

My sister-in-law Kara has just taken the dive into the pink, applauding realm of Mary Kay consulting. This means that (in true missionary manner) she has been going door-knocking, Wal-Mart-, Target-, and Macey's-contacting, and street-contacting to find people to whom she may give free facials and pedicures. Each week she attends a meeting where other area-based consultants cheer for those who had the biggest selling weeks. After a week of particularly discouraging work, we started talking about what it takes to appear confident in intimidating situations.

Looking back to the time shortly after my mission, I remember feeling so out of place and such an anomaly in Provo society that I took measures to prevent myself from being noticed. I didn't participate in ward social activities even when I wanted to. I sat on the back row of my classes, even though I know I do better when I'm at the front, me being near-sighted and all. All my opinions were hedged with 'maybe' and 'I don't know, but . . ..' My admitted preference for speaking Tagalog over English at the time didn't help things either. I walked on eggshells constantly around roommates and even some friends -- but my latest bout of self-analysis brings me to admit that in many of those situations, I was the one who placed the eggshells oh so delicately in my own way. I was the one who imagined that certain things would become issues if I tried to change them. One example from that period, I waited until my roommates moved out before I moved around the furniture in the living room and bought slip-covers for the ugly couches. Would my roommates have objected to this plan if I had voiced it at the beginning of the year? Probably not. I allowed myself to remain at guest status in my own home by not actively trying to make it my own.

I know I'm not alone in having the need to feel "un-noticed." I know I'm also not the only person to wonder how to take on intimidating situations. We each have our own El Guapos. What we sometimes lack is the ability to clearly understand our own needs and how we can best meet them, or the humility to recognize our own weaknesses and how to overcome them.

What I can say is, I am a different person now than I was a couple years back. What has made the difference? Is it purely a matter of dental hygiene? Perhaps. I do floss more now, after all. Have I made my body language more approachable-looking? Positively. However, was it from studied effort to appear more friendly? No. Something deeper-down changed and I found many things inside myself that I hadn't realized were there. The standing up straighter and eye contact and openness came after.

I had to realize what I was worth. Obviously not in pecuniary measurements, but in my own estimation of myself -- was I worth taking a stand for? In daily interactions, was it kosher to consider my schedule and my preferences before taking into account those of another person? Was I still worth something even though back then I wasn 't dating anyone and had only ever been in Platonic relationships? The unequivocal answer to these questions is a yes!, and a yes!, and a yes! A pertinent scene from The Lord of the Rings: "Two Towers" is where Samwise convinces Frodo that there is still some good in this world worth fighting for. Well there is some good in each one of us that is also worth fighting for, even if it means merely brushing your teeth more and not slouching.

And now, just because I know this post will make you all want to youtube it anyway, "I Have Confidence" from Sound of Music, sung by Julie Andrews: