"Brainwashed and Unintelligent"

Ever want to put down someone's entire value system and existence in a succinct and virulent way?

(Yes, Mo, yes! This is what we want above all things!)

Well then, let me tell you: call them "brainwashed" and "unintelligent" for holding any view that disagrees with yours. Simple. Easy. Cutthroat. And a huge cop-out.

The backstory. I blog-stalked a complete stranger a couple weeks back. The blog author is a Mormon woman who had written a thoughtful post about modesty and how it's often taught with a heavy dose of non-doctrine in the church. Namely, that women are to blame if a man has an inappropriate thought about them. She felt that the real discussion should center on respect for ourselves, respect for others, and respect for God, not just women dressing modestly because they're afraid of giving a man a dirty thought.

She raised an interesting point -- one I hadn't really ever turned my mind onto. (A few days later V, whom I always blog-stalk but less creepily because I know her, also posted on the same topic. Hers is one of the best discourses on the topic I've heard in a while using doctrine to back her stance.)

But back to the first post I read. Her blog-readers posted well over one hundred comments exhibiting a wide spectrum of viewpoints. I thought it very, very cool of the blogger to keep all the comments, even ones that adamantly disagreed with her own.

What was NOT cool was the awful way some commenters began tearing down others that didn't agree with them. One girl whom I only know by the username Amy was a particularly easy target, because even though her comment was just as heartfelt as anyone else's, she made the sin of using "gospelspeak" in her response. She and another girl became the targets of particularly venomous attacks.

Disagreements are great. That's how we learn to refine communication and see other's perspectives. What's not appropriate ever . . . is bullying. Caustic comments were flush on both sides of the issue. But one commenter whom I call "mean girl" stepped completely out-of-bounds. She basically said that the commenters who didn't agree with her were "brainwashed" and "unintelligent" and that their entire lives and value systems were invalid so why didn't they the hell shut up.

When I first read the comment I must have said something like, "Whoa!" My husband looked over and asked me to share. I read it to him. "So because these girls' viewpoints are different from [mean girl's], they are brainwashed and unintelligent."

Pause.

Laughter.

Somehow stating it out loud illustrated just how ludicrous the comment was. (It's actually become our new favorite way of voicing disagreement with each other. Like when my husband wanted Station 22 and I was craving Panda Express, he gently reminded me that it was because I was brainwashed and unintelligent.) *hardy-har-har*

The fact we laughed at it does not diminish the fact that her words were intended to injure a complete stranger. We often talk about the insanity and terror of "acts" of violence. What about "words" of violence? Or is it okay to use them because she was directing them at a heterosexual caucasian LDS woman and not some greater minority?

In my books, never okay. Regardless of how much you hate someone's viewpoint, chances are they are not the anti-Christ, Hitler incarnate, or "brainwashed and unintelligent."

The other reason why I really disliked the comment was this: it's a huge cop-out. All discussion between them ended once she spat out her indictment. Convenient for getting out of something unpleasant, but stingy. She wasn't generous enough of spirit to allow someone else's voice to be heard.

I know passions run high when it comes to religious disagreement. I like Alma's view of things, "Bridle your passions that ye may be filled with love." Hold back the flood of anger and meanness and remember you are addressing a fellow child of God. Or if you don't believe in God, know that you are addressing a fellow human being whose history and life experience you most likely know nothing about. By restraining yourself, respect and disagreement can co-exist peacefully.

Maybe I'm an idealist. Or maybe I'm brainwashed and unintelligent.