Just letting loose some steam . . . Warning: Sarcasm will follow.I've recently been party to several discussions on the topic of social norms -- only one was offensive. A recently returned missionary, and even more recently engaged female was reclining jauntily on her nubby white couch when she pounced on me (figuratively) with, "Isn't he shorter than you? That's not a problem for me since my fiancé is 6' 7." But man, your story's just weird! Not only is he shorter, but I remember meeting your husband and thinking he was maybe a year off his mission!"
I proceeded to tell her that I was well-acquainted with the societal norm of females marrying men taller and older than themselves, but as my own mother is two years older and two inches taller than my father, I didn't grow up with the same perspective as most. This same female then felt it meet to respond, "My sister and I were discussing it the other day and how weird it would be! I mean you have to admit, it's just weird!" among other things.
Woody Allen's character and his taller wife (Tracy Ullman) in Small Time CrooksIt's a strange feeling being called "weird" to your face--stranger still, in the same conversation, to have the epithet extended specifically to your parents and generally to all others who have made the same decision as yourself. It left me feeling slightly defensive and silenced . . . how could I tactfully redirect such a conversation?
She looked so happy with her socially-accepted life and behavior that she seemed (I swear) to glow. (A great frown-smile moment. Find out more about frown-smiles at this link: http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/2009/06/frownsmiles.html. Look for my friend Lili's classic submission.)
My official response:
It would have been a billion times weirder not to have married the best guy I've ever met.
Yes, my dear, tactful blog-readers, I erred in my socially-laudable behavior even to the point I married the guy who is a half-inch shorter than me and was born a few months after I turned three. Where was my social philosopher then? Where were her iron-clad opinions and social commentary back when they could hypothetically have made an impact?
Venting now complete. As reward for making it through my venting: links to the top ten most famous cradle robbers and some interesting psychology associated with height (and other physical characteristics if you read further through the book).
Top 10 Cradle Robbers
The Psychology of Interpersonal Perceptions
10 comments:
Ahh, minha amiga. I remember this event. I remember thinking, wait, he's shorter than she is? Huh, never noticed. Her mamãe taller than her papai.
I know many people who have bucked the social norm and have, interestingly enough, gained a happy eternal marriage.
There's always something, isn't there?
I imagine my social norm breaking that will cause so much consternation is that my husband will be mythological.
I think what would have bugged me the most was her saying "we were discussing it" to my face... letting me know that she was gossiping --NEGATIVELY!-- about me behind my back. The audacity of her blithe statements would probably even offend President Monson on an off day. I think you handled it very well, my dear.
And who cares about social norms, really? Aren't we over those yet? :)
ps. I'm a cradle robber by 6 months. So I relate.
pss. but Eric is DEFINITELY taller than me, so you've got me beat.
Marrying younger men runs in my family. My grandma, several aunts, mom, and sister-in-law all caught the eyes of younger guys (some up to 8 years younger), and I did the same. It basically means you're hot stuff.
Congrats on snatching up the best guy you've met, and here's to the long life you'll live together!
I'm a cradle robber too. Actually, every boy I've ever dated seriously has been younger than me. My current boyfriend is 6 months younger than me and I could care less what anyone else thinks about it. I too come from a family of cradle robbers (My mother, 3 aunts, and my grandmother).
As for the height thing, I say, you go girl! You're response to that girl's comments was inspiring. I actually feel really sorry for her. To feel that one must always comply with what society dictates, even at the cost on one's own happiness cannot lead to a FREE life.
Thanks for being an example of one who has her priorities straight!
That kills me.
We all have our own forms of happiness, and I'm sure she's happy with her choices. Her strange is not strange to me, but her normal sure is. Like girls who love me for playing them guitar. Oh, wait, didn't Jonathan do that? Oops.
Kidding.
heh, oh I can recall many a discussion we've had on this very subject when we were living together. Looking back on it, I find great pleasure in knowing that you were (and are) bold enough to defy societal norms and join the ranks of the nobler population of creators of their own happiness.
Really our lack of height comes with our short-sightedness. Tell me, friends, am I to judge who I spend time with because of their physical height? That's such a ridiculous question! Don't we use the same ability to judge to decide who we marry? Is is like a girl should be so annoyed if her partner isn't looking 6 feet down at her? Where is the logic here?
Yeah...I have dated a guy who was 6'3" and Aaron is 5'4"(and a half) and I must say, he is way easier to kiss. So, good on us.
I like the rant...but what I like better is knowing that you find humor in the socially awkward people.
You already know how I feel about this, but I'll just say, you are awesome and social norms are for the less enlightened and usually more boring crowd.
I just realized how gay my last comment sounded. I need to work on my typing skills.
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